My name is Jon. I lived as a vagrant after my parents were slain. As a disgusting vagrant, I drifted from town to town, begging and stealing. Eventually I decided that life was not worth living and formulated a plan to take my own life. As through an act of divinity; I was struck by an asteroid infused with mystical energies, energies that also stuffed tons of cash into my pockets. It was also around this time that I had learned that my parent's murderer had fled into a different dimension and began selling Microsoft Office products to spectral beings. He had taken this job as a way to make ends meet, I guess the economy was rough. I vowed, then and there, to use my new mystical energies to get a crappy low level job at Microsoft so that I may destroy the corporation from within. In so doing, I will rob my sworn enemy of his livelihood, forcing him to probably be late on his rent. Eventually, maybe he will be evicted from his apartment. If this happens, I will consider the death of my parents to be avenged. Also, there will be some hot chicks in the title sequence to illustrate that I'm some kind of bad ass dude.